I may be a bit biased, but my clients are some of the strongest women I know.
CEOs.
Founders.
Attorneys.
Executives.
Mothers building empires between school drop-offs.
Women who negotiate contracts without flinching.
Women who command rooms.
Women who make high-stakes decisions daily.
And yet.
Put them in a dressing room?
Everything changes.
The posture softens.
The voice tightens.
The confidence flickers.
And suddenly, the strongest woman in the boardroom is whispering:
“I hate my arms.”
“This isn’t made for my body.”
“I just need to lose ten pounds.”
“Why does nothing look right on me?”
The dressing room is not just about trying on clothes.
It’s about identity.
The Dressing Room Is a Psychological Arena
I call it “retail therapy.”
Because when my clients and I are together in the room, trying on clothes becomes a literal therapy session. The dressing room is one of the few places where high-achieving women are forced to confront their reflection without performance.
No title.
No resume.
No authority badge.
Just body.
And narrative.
For women who are used to being evaluated for their competence, the dressing room flips the script. Suddenly the evaluation feels aesthetic. Physical. Visual.
And that’s destabilizing.
Especially for women who built their power on intellect, productivity, or achievement.
Because now the metric feels different.
Now we’re weighing ourselves against a different scale; no longer about our performance and everything to do with our appearance.
And most of us as women were never taught how to navigate that shift.
High-performing women thrive in environments where they can prepare.
Think about it:
You can rehearse a pitch.
You can study a contract.
You can plan a strategy.
You cannot rehearse a mirror.
And listen, I say this as a high-achieving, Type-A, strong woman myself. I also say this as someone who had to learn how to dress her body. The dressing room exposes:
- Body changes
- Aging
- Postpartum shifts
- Stress weight
- Hormonal fluctuations
- The gap between “how I see myself” and “how I look today”
And if your internal narrative hasn’t evolved with your body?
That gap feels like failure.
But, the thing is? It’s not failure.
It’s simply misalignment.
The Identity Lag
There is so much emotion in our appearance, our clothing, that we’re never taught to handle the dressing room like we’re taught to maneuver every other problem in our lives: logically.
And because of that, here’s what I see over and over again.
A woman has evolved.
Her career has expanded.
Her responsibilities have increased.
Her body has shifted.
Her priorities have matured.
But her wardrobe?
It’s still speaking an older language.
So she tries something on.
And it doesn’t feel right.
Not because her body is wrong.
But because her identity has changed — and the clothing hasn’t caught up.
This creates friction.
And friction gets internalized as:
“My body is the problem.”
When in reality, the style strategy is outdated.
The Myth of the “Perfect Body” Before the Perfect Outfit
Strong women are taught to be disciplined.
Which means they often apply discipline to their bodies too.
“I’ll shop when I lose weight.”
“I’ll invest when I’m back in shape.”
“I don’t deserve nice clothes yet.”
But here’s the truth:
You cannot punish yourself into confidence.
You cannot withhold alignment until you reach a physical milestone.
The dressing room becomes hostile when it’s treated like a test you’re supposed to pass.
It is not a test.
It is data.
The fabric pulls? That’s information.
The silhouette collapses? Information.
The proportions feel off? Information.
Not condemnation.
The Nervous System Response
Listen, it’s not you.
There is literally a physiological reason dressing rooms feel intense.
- Harsh lighting.
- Mirrors from multiple angles.
- Small, enclosed space.
- Half-dressed vulnerability.
Your nervous system registers exposure.
And for women who are used to being in control, that exposure can feel threatening.
So the brain does what it’s designed to do:
It searches for a problem to solve.
And the easiest target?
Your body.
But the body is rarely the issue.
More often, it’s:
- Poor fit
- Wrong proportions
- Inconsistent sizing
- Fabrics that don’t support your structure
- Or clothing that doesn’t reflect your current identity
The problem is strategy.
Not self-worth.
Why Strong Women Take It Personally
High-achieving women are used to solving problems.
So when something “doesn’t work,” they internalize it.
“If this dress doesn’t fit right, I must be the issue.”
But imagine applying that logic elsewhere:
If a business strategy fails, do you assume you’re worthless?
No. Absolutely not. You simply adjust the strategy.
Yet in dressing rooms, women skip straight to self-criticism.
Because culturally, women have been conditioned to believe their bodies are projects.
Endless improvement plans.
Instead of living, breathing, evolving forms.
The Real Issue: Lack of Style Education
No one teaches women:
- How to assess silhouette objectively
- How proportion impacts perception
- How tailoring changes everything
- How fabric weight affects structure
- How to shop for your lifestyle, not your fantasy
So the dressing room becomes a guessing game.
And guessing feels chaotic.
Strong women hate chaos.
They crave clarity.
When I style clients, the transformation rarely comes from changing their body.
It comes from giving them a framework.
Once they understand:
“This cut works because of your proportions.”
“This fabric supports your structure.”
“This neckline enhances your presence.”
The shame dissolves.
Because now it’s strategic.
And strategy feels safe.
Survival Dressing vs. Expansion Dressing (Revisited)
Many strong women mastered survival dressing.
Neutral.
Professional.
Uncontroversial.
Non-distracting.
It kept them credible. Palatable. Corporate. Appropriate.
But now?
They’re ready for expansion.
Authority.
Presence.
Visual clarity.
Refinement.
The dressing room struggle often signals a transition.
You’re no longer who you were.
But you haven’t fully claimed who you’re becoming.
And that in-between space is always going to be a little uncomfortable.
The Dressing Room as a Mirror of Self-Talk
Listen carefully next time you try something on.
What is the first sentence that comes to mind?
Is it curious?
Or cruel?
“I wonder if a different size would change this.”
versus
“Of course this looks terrible on me.”
Self-talk dictates experience.
Two women can try on the same dress.
One evaluates.
One attacks herself.
Same garment.
Different narrative.
Confidence is not built in the closet.
It’s reinforced there.
Rewriting the Dressing Room Experience
Here’s the reframe:
The dressing room is not judgment.
It’s calibration.
Instead of asking:
“What’s wrong with me?”
Ask:
“What is this telling me?”
Is the waist sitting too low?
Does the fabric collapse at the hip?
Is the color draining you?
This is data.
And data empowers.
When women move from emotional reaction to strategic observation, everything changes.
The dressing room becomes a laboratory.
Not a battlefield.
The Real Luxury: Emotional Regulation
True luxury in style is not price point.
It’s emotional neutrality.
It’s the ability to try something on, assess it clearly, and decide without spiraling.
It’s knowing:
“My body is not the problem.”
“This cut isn’t aligned.”
“Let’s adjust.”
That’s power.
That’s refinement.
That’s leadership energy applied inward.
And This Is Why The Work Matters
If you are building something — a career, a brand, a life that requires visibility — you cannot afford to feel destabilized by a mirror.
Instead, you need:
- Visual clarity.
- Internal steadiness.
- A wardrobe that supports the woman you are becoming.
The dressing room struggle is often not rooted in vanity.
It is identity friction.
And friction is a signal that it’s time to refine.
Not retreat.
If this resonated deeply, this is exactly the work we do inside the Self-Image Style Intensive.
We don’t just shop.
We recalibrate identity.
We build frameworks.
We remove shame from the process.
And we make the dressing room neutral again.
Because strong women deserve clothes that support their power — not challenge it.
And if you’re ready to do the deeper work?
I’ll see you insdie the Self-Image Style Intensive: a 90 minute deep-dive into your style blocks, and the direction to get you moving (and dressing) forward.
— Tahirah
